I feel like I have to get in the car and go places but can’t because one wheel is missing and can’t be found. That has been my feeling since my brother passed away. I have been trying to find the way to adjust. Some days seem OK and then a memory and the emotion that goes with it get in the way then I have to sit the moment out. Working on A One-Way Wave Just For Me became a mechanism to land me in a better place. Writing first the lyrics and then the music took much longer than usual. I couldn’t work very long before emotion rose up and then showed up quickly on my face and then I had to stop. Once the song was finally written, playing and singing the music caused tears to run down my face, and I knew I was not quite ready for what this song pictured. In the space of 5+ months I’m beginning to adjust to the indescribable loss and can speak the words set to music that I never imagined I would be writing.
I have lost people and animals close to me before but nothing up to now compares to the depth of this loss. I wrote many versions of the music to get it right for him and us. When you think you know someone and about something well the words just spill out because it is personal and truthful. Saying what is true should uplift a spirit. Additional words don’t seem necessary. He loved sunflowers so we’ve planted some that are just beginning to bloom. We will keep planting them and watch them flower as time goes on. We won’t forget what he thought about and what was important for him and what then became important to us. Sunflowers, the ocean and its sea life, his cats, Asia, TYT, and reading science fiction gave him joy. Some of those things I put into A One-Way Wave Just For Me that is written in D Maj.
I wrote the paragraph you just read the first day of autumn, September 21, 2021, but I couldn’t finish the blog until today. I am recovering from a 10 day breakthrough encounter with Covid 19. I am very thankful for the vaccines and a booster that are getting me through it. While in bed I listened to Queen Elizabeth’s Christmas message today. Her speaking about Prince Phillip drew me in. They had been together as long as my parents are old. Her words were sensitive in a way I never have heard her speak. She spoke also of children and rekindling the child instincts in ourselves and how that can help us see the world differently. Our dog Rose died in January 2021. In the fall we adopted a red-haired dachshund puppy we named Joe Biden. In the Queen’s video she pictured her meeting with Joe and Jill Biden, the only political leader and wife pictured in the video. The Queen and Joe Biden relate well: their closeness in age, their interest in children, their religious foundation, and their life philosophy. Joe Biden’s presence in the video is significant and for her maybe an example of a breath of fresh air in a traumatized world similar in flavor to her allusion to the importance of children and their vision of the world. That is also how I feel and that is why we came to name our new puppy after JB. Joe Biden is a breath of fresh air in our lives. Prince Phillip lived to almost 100. My brother lived ½ that long. They passed away within a week of each other; so we will share that moment unfortunately forever. Emotional pain is tough. The Queen is looking back as we are, now 8 months later and feeling the true worth of what we lost in light of “the hopes and fears” in the words of the Christmas Carol sung in the video; so I knew finishing the blog entry today is what I had to do despite Covid.
While writing the music for A One-Way Wave Just For Me, I lived the imagery of being in a boat on a smooth lake at night under the stars. Though I did not include that night in the lyrics, it sourced the sound for my music. In my mind the warmth of a cello flows as it accompanies the piano. There are no sharp rises or falls in the music notes. I used only mellow and warm tones throughout the entire song, beginning to end.
Please listen now to A One-Way Wave Just For Me. Use earphones. I think doing that is always best for listening.
I have been writing music and writing down my musical thoughts and personal thoughts for this blog for 8 years. I see myself growing along the way. The last 12 months I have been slow walking for several reasons. I hope the coming year will be a healthier one for all the people of the world because we care more and want that truly. Then next, we should all pick up speed and find our best place on this ever changing continent that is our home not forgetting the people who really struggled but didn’t make it. Their struggle pushed virologists to do the work to find vaccines and medicines to keep the rest of us alive.
For each of you celebrating the holidays in your individual way, I hope that you find joy and warmth in spending them that way. Let it be that the New Year is better for all of us, and no one need sleep outside in the cold or be without food or without the medical help they need! When Covid slips into the past, we need to meet and talk music, and I’ll play some of my songs and we can sing together.
Below please listen to a song I wrote in 2016: Because We Are A Family. Its words seem very important now!!
And here is Queen Elizabeth’s Christmas message that inspired me today.
There have been too many Covid deaths in the USA: 816,463 and also in the world: 5,396,458. We are all at risk from the unvaccinated! Please get vaccinated and then take someone else to get vaccinated. At least 40,000,000 more people in the USA need to get their shots for all to return to living a healthy normal.
December 26, 2021
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